Five Sentences to Imitate: Before and after

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As promised, in yesterday’s post, I have bribed my muse with the words of Douglas, London, White, and Golding. If you didn’t try the exercise you really should. If you didn’t read yesterday’s post here’s the activity in a nutshell. Take a great sentence from another author and imitate it. Use their grammar as a framework and insert your words.

Here are my revisions to the five sentences, nothing too deep, but neither am I.  Taking the time to rewrite them certainly has got my muse waking up a little bit. I think I even feel a poem coming on.

My Sentence: There—and his hands adjusted the scope—was a place to be in for the kill, not far from the target, so that if the humanity of the his spirit emerged he could at least mix with humans disappearing  for the time being.

The Original: Here—and his hands touched grass—was a place to be in for the night, not far from the tribe, so that if the horrors of the supernatural emerged one could at least mix with humans for the time being. –William Golding, Lord of the Flies

My Sentence: If there was no truth—and almost certainly there was no truth—to hell and be done; but if there was something waiting beyond mountains, what was the use of the knowledge, distorted by the mind and carrying only antiquated dreams?

The Original: If there was no beast—and almost certainly there was no beast—well and good; but if there was something waiting on top of the mountain, what was the use of three of them, handicapped by the darkness and carrying only sticks?– Jack London, White Fang

My Sentence: We explored the stars, solemnly, where the cosmic spores wisped off the nebulas and dug their way into the fabric of time

The Original: We explored the streams, quietly, where the turtles slid off the sunny logs and dug their way into the soft lake bottom.
–E.B. White “Once More to the Lake”

My Sentence: He was dancing, heavily, among the tomb stones and broken dreams, when a sprite, a vision of light and dreams, flashed upwards with a witch-like cry.

The Original: He was clambering, heavily, among the creepers and broken trunks, when a bird, a vision of red and yellow, flashed upwards with a witch-like cry.
–William Golding, Lord of the Flies

My Sentence: “That solemn child, under the influence of the pixies, soon became vibrant with life; that soul, made of sorrowful images, changed to one of love and magical dreams; and that graven face gave place to that of an angel.”

The Original: “That cheerful eye, under the influence of slavery, soon became red with rage; that voice, made of sweet accord, changed to one of harsh and horrid discord; and that angelic face gave place to that of a demon.”– Fredrik Douglas, Narrative of the life of Fredrick Douglass

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